Economic Recession Jokes: At Least Funny Though Tragic

All that's left !Photo Credit: pfala

I recently received this email from a friend who agreed to have it posted here. He got this email from his friend who received it from another friend who in turn got it from...you guessed it...a friend. It's the kind of email that gets passed on to so many people that it's origin could be difficult to guess. But there's name at the end of it, so apparently that could be the one who started it all.

Anyway, the e-mail was all about the current economic recession. Again? I know! You probably don't want to hear another update on that with it being all over the place and everything, but this one's on the lighter side. It's a funny look on this economic crunch that seems to have a worldwide reach. It mostly contained jokes - quoted statements from well known personalities, and funny and clever definitions. It was supposed to make me laugh, as all jokes are meant to be i suppose; and i did at times - when the enormity of it all didn't manage to sink in. On the times that it did, I didn't know whether to continue laughing or start crying. But whether you laugh with it or cry instead, it's up to you. Though mostly, we all need a good laugh now and then... Don't you? Of course you do.

So read on and may you laugh to your hearts content:

Very Timely, In This Day And Age!!!

1. The US has made a new weapon that destroys people but keeps the building standing. Its called the stock market. - Jay Leno

2. Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are? Wall Street is now being called Wal Mart Street. - Jay Leno

3. The difference between a pigeon and a London investment banker. The pigeon can still make a deposit on a BMW.

4. What's the difference between a guy who lost everything in Las Vegas and an investment banker? A tie!

5. The problem with investment bank balance sheet is that on the left side nothing's right and on the right side nothing's left.

6. I want to warn people from Nigeria who might be watching our show, if you get any emails from Washington asking for money, it's a scam. Don't fall for it. - Jay Leno

7. Bush was asked about the credit crunch. He said it was his favourite candy bar. - Jay Leno

8. The rescue bill was about 450 pages. President Bush's copy is even thicker. They had to include pictures. - Jay Leno

9. President Bush's response was to meet some small business owners in San Antonio last week. The small business owners are General Motors, General Electric and Century 21. - Jay Leno

10. What worries me most about the credit crunch, is that if one of my cheques is returned stamped 'insufficient funds'. I won't know whether that refers to mine or the bank's.

New Stock Market Terms

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.

CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use.

KOH Hui Meng

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